spinninghead

I wanted to start this list, and I'm going to add to it throughout the rest of my stay here. This entry has been back-dated so that it will be easy for me to edit anytime I want up until I leave. :)

Things I'd see in the US, but not in Shanghai:
- Parking meters
- Parking lots
- People smoking weed
- "Click it or ticket" signs reminding people to wear their seatbelts
- Tanning lotion, spray-on tans, and tanning spas.
- Big families with 4 or more kids
- Hipsters
- Root beer
- Taquerias
- Road rage
- "Pimped out" cars and lowriders
- Super big rolls of toilet paper

Things I'd see in Shanghai, but not in the US:
- Bike parking meters
- People walking around in their pajamas
- Kittens and puppies in tiny cages in pet stores
- Chinese boy-band-wannabes with bouffants
- People riding on motorbikes (sometimes even with their tiny kids) without wearing helmets
- Whitening lotions and creams for your skin
- Buggies, or motorbikes converted into taxis.
- Parents holding their kids as they go to the bathroom on the street, or a woman holding out a plastic bag for her son to pee into on the metro train.
- Squat pot toilets
- People wearing face masks (for filtering air or for keeping their face warm)
- Women doing Chinese folk dancing all together out in the square by the mall
- Geriatric playgrounds
- People doing tai chi in the mornings
- McDonald's and KFC doing delivery
- People smoking inside restaurants/bars
- Buskers on the streets playing erhus

I love myself. I'm proud of who I am and what I've accomplished. I feel better about myself and my life right now than I have in a long time. And I'm on the verge of change... but enjoying every second of the ride. I love being me.

I'm all packed and ready to go. I'm leaving my apartment in about six hours, and my flight leaves in nine hours. *sigh* It's going to be a long night. I would try to sleep, but I know it will be smarter to just wait and then sleep on the plane.

I'm excited about this trip, like *super* excited, but there are still the anxious thoughts about Rudy and sadness hanging over part of me. I received a package from Rudy today (that he sent two days before we broke up) of Nyquil, and again it made me sad. I don't know how else to feel about it. Of course, I've gone over this breakup over and over in my mind and I know that it had to happen and should've happened long before it did, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad about it still. And not sad that I won't be able to see him at the dances and feel comfortable or even glad to see him.

But we'll see. Seeing him in person is something I haven't done yet since the breakup and it may surprise me, how I feel. I don't know. But I do know I have a few sexy dresses (including my qipao) to wear to the dances and I'm going to be busy looking hot and dancing the night away with friends I've missed dearly, so I'm planning on having the time of my life and if Rudy sees me, he'll just see what he gave up.

I feel proud of myself for doing this. I also feel proud of myself for the packing I've done! I got just about everything packed (well, just haven't packed my laptop, brushes, and pajamas) and it all fit really nicely into my big suitcase. Half of the suitcase is full of gifts I'm going to give away (TONS of different flavors of Oreos for friends to try!) so I'm happy about that - it means that whatever things I pick up in the States to bring back should fit just fine in my suitcase. :)

I was thinking about making nutella cookies tonight, and as good as that sounds, I am not motivated. I want the time to go by faster so it'd be good to have something to do, but I just don't feel like baking, and I need to lose weight anyway. I do need to find *something* to entertain me for a while, though. Hmm... maybe I'll find some TV or a movie to watch.

Next time I update I'll probably be in San Francisco! :)

Only two more days before I go back to SF to visit! I am getting more and more excited with each task I'm finishing that I had to get done before my trip. Today I presented my workshop at the Teachers' Conference and I felt like it went really well. I was extra proud of myself after then going to two other teachers' workshops and seeing that mine was superior to theirs in a few ways (not to toot my own horn, but still.) The teachers who came to my workshop seemed to receive it well and I felt pretty calm for most of it. :)

Tomorrow I'm going in the morning to get my hair brightened up (I'm thinking a more coppery red this time), and then I'm going over to the old city by Yu Gardens to shop for some souvenirs to take back to friends in the US. Should be a fun day. :)

Then Thursday I just teach two classes, though one of them will be observed by my boss for my appraisal. Hopefully that goes off without a hitch. After that, I'll be free to go home and pack, and stay up all night until my flight! I have to be at the airport at 5 AM, so it doesn't make much sense to go to sleep that night. My plan is to stay awake until I leave Hong Kong (where my connection is) and then knock myself out with some NyQuil and possibly some Benadryl if the NyQuil doesn't work alone. I'm planning on sleeping for the entire flight... if I wake up, I'll just take more medicine and go back to sleep. :P Hopefully this works, cos once I get off the plane, it'll be about 11:35 AM on Friday still (crazy time difference) and I'll be going dancing all night that night. Fun fun!

I also plan on trying to leave the airport for a bit while I'm in Hong Kong for my layover. It's about a 4-hour layover, which should leave me a little bit of time to leave the airport and explore the city a bit, especially since there's a high-speed train that takes people from the airport to the center of the city in about 20 minutes. Should be fun just to wander and see what I can find of interest in Hong Kong. I'll try to do some research beforehand and see if there's anything specific I should try to do, but I think with my limited amount of time, just wandering aimlessly might be my best bet.

Oh, also: I'm going skydiving with friends on the 28th. :D :D :D

Eeee, excitement!

Wow. Just read this entry again. It's from a year ago. A *year* ago. We should have broken up then. But no, neither of us were ready to let go yet. *sigh* I really wish I'd been ready. It all seems so clear to me when I look at this. And justaqt's comment especially rings true. He did care to do small things for me sometimes, but it was generally if I asked him to, and maybe when he felt the relationship was in trouble.

He still never bought me flowers. Dammit, I'm going to find a man who will buy me flowers. And a man who I can have amazing conversations with.

I just wish I weren't already 28, and I wish I knew where I'd be living for the next couple of years so I could actually, you know, try to think about dating.

I've begun thinking more and more about staying in China for another year.

Basically, to get a job in a Spanish-speaking country isn't easy if you're not physically in the country going in person to look for jobs. This wouldn't be that big of a deal if it were cheap enough for me to go visit places I'd like to work, but plane ticket prices are quite high. I'll have a week off in June and I've contemplated visiting a Spanish-speaking country to try to look for a job for a week, but I'm not sure how much of a gamble it would be and how expensive it'd be.

EF isn't really paying me a lot more than I spend each month. Sure, I could spend a little less, but even if I cut down on some things it wouldn't be a significant amount to save each month. If I stay in China for another year, I could possibly get a job at an international school where they have much better pay, normal person work hours (unlike my weird schedule), and lots more vacation time (summers off!) If I do work at an international school for a year, I'd be able to save a lot of money to be able to return to the US and start living there again... and I want to have plenty saved up before I go back, since I don't know how long it'll take me to get a job there, or where I'll end up.

Staying in China tempting to think about, though I have to weigh my options. Staying for another year would be another year very far away from a lot of people I love. It would also mean another year far away from a dance style that I love and miss dearly. It would also mean another year of breathing in pollution constantly.

However, I feel like this is becoming more and more a possibility because honestly I am really enjoying living in China at the moment. I've really started liking it a lot more since it feels like I finally have a good group of friends, I really like my job, and I'm also getting better and better at Mandarin. Hell, I understood one of our local staff today when she was talking with another local staff member at work in Chinese and I jumped into the conversation (in English, but still!) And then, when I was sitting on the bus next to a woman and her baby girl, and the baby was staring at me and I was saying "ni hao" and "hello" to the baby, I asked the mom if the baby can speak, and well, I didn't understand every word of her answer, but enough to get that the girl can say "mama" and "baba" and that's about it. I really can understand much more of what I hear around me now than I realized I'd be able to.

After seven months, living here is actually quite nice. The only fear I have now is the summer weather! It's supposed to get crazy hot and humid during the summer and I caught barely a glimpse of that in September when I first got here, but then it cooled down pretty quickly. I hope it isn't unbearable... but we'll see.

In the meantime, I'll just start looking for jobs anywhere and everywhere (ideally Spanish-speaking countries) and see what happens.

As much as I'm trying not to, I'm still thinking about Rudy. It's still not easy. Even though I'm super excited to go dancing, see my friends, see my parents, and show DeShaun around SF, there's still the fact there that I'm going to have to see Rudy in person at the dances. I can hope that we will only have to see each other from across the room, but given that we'll both be going dancing three nights in a row at the same places, and even possibly doing daytime dancing in the same places, there's a high likelihood that we'll come into quite close proximity with each other. And I'm nervous about that awkwardness. I doubt he'll try to talk to me, but still.

I had a dream about him this morning, actually. I dreamt that I was in SF at this dance event that we're both registered for, and at the event, he asked if we could talk. Then he proceeded to tell me that he broke it off with Melanie. I hadn't known he was with anyone named Melanie, but in the dream apparently he had been dating Melanie at the same time as me, and he was more serious about his relationship with her when he'd been dating me... and now that he and I broke up, apparently he realized he'd rather have me so he broke up with Melanie, and he was going to try to get me back. I was horrified and started crying and didn't ever want to see or speak to him again.

Clearly this is something that won't happen, but it is evidence that I'm thinking about this and I'm feeling fears. It's quite annoying.

Anyway, I really am happy about this trip and I'm even happier that the hardest part of my week is over now, and I just have one more week until I leave! I signed myself up to teach a workshop at the annual Teachers' Conference that is happening next Tuesday, and since I signed myself up for it, I've regretted doing so. It felt very daunting to come up with a workshop for teachers, when I've only been teaching for a year and a half. But today, I did a practice run of my workshop with my colleagues, and it was exactly what I needed. I was really nervous beforehand, but doing the practice run helped me see exactly what I need to do to prepare more for the Teachers' Conference, what I can change to make it better, etc. Now I feel much more confident (though still a bit nervous) about the Conference. :) I've just got to make it through this weekend, the Conference, and then two more classes before I leave! One of those classes will be observed by my boss so we can do my 6 month appraisal (even though now it's been 7 months!) so I'm a little nervous about that, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

Whew. It's weird to think that it's already been seven months that I've been in China. Time is really flying, even after the breakup, which is nice. I've officially been single for over a week now and I'm filling my time easily enough with work and spending time with friends, or chatting with friends on skype. Aaron, Elsje and DeShaun have been particularly awesome lately. :)

I just watched this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother, and one thing Barney did really stood out to me in light of last week's events... ( cut for spoilers )

Anyway, just thought I'd share that. I thought it was pretty good timing for what I'm feeling lately. I do hope one day I'll have that... for now all I can do is live my life one day at a time and see what unfolds.

I've started a 365 Project! I'll be taking one photo each day (hopefully I remember to!) that documents something about my day. So the photos won't necessarily be awesomely artistic or great, but they'll be a peek into what my daily life is like. If you'd like to subscribe to the LJ feed I created for it, it's here: rows365 and the link to my actual 365 Project page is here: http://365project.org/rows/365

I'm realizing how free I am now. There are so many things I can do with my future now that I'm single. For starters, I'm going to have a week off in June during which I can explore another part of Asia or something. I'm thinking of going to the Philippines like I had been looking into before. It's rather cheap to get there (only about $430 USD) and I can stay in a hotel pretty cheap (only about $17 per night). I'm just trying to figure out what I should do there. I'm thinking I should probably see more than just Manila if I have a whole week, so I'm looking into what I can do for not too much money, and where I should go.

Then, I'm also free to choose wherever I want to go after China. I'm still looking into Spanish-speaking countries, and I've made progress. I've found a couple of schools that look interesting in Spain and Argentina, and I've even updated my resume and sent it to a school in Argentina. I don't know all the details about the job, but I figured I'd take a shot in the dark and see what happens.

It will still take time to get over Rudy and to let go of the feelings I have for him and let go of the memories that keep popping up when I see things that remind me of him, etc., but I'm on my way. This is the first day I've really felt positive about things. It's a step.